


In Another Life

by aewgliriel



Series: If This Is Wrong [10]
Category: Star Wars Legends: Legacy Era - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Infertility, Miscarriage, Pregnancy, Romance, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-02-22
Packaged: 2018-05-22 14:46:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,824
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6083496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aewgliriel/pseuds/aewgliriel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Past choices come back to haunt Kyp and Jaina as they hit a snag in their family plans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Another Life

_Coruscant_  
  
  
Kyp went into the kitchen to assist Han in his self-imposed exile, after the argument about Corellian politics. Jaina curled alone on the loveseat, her brother Jacen on the floor, Leia and Mara on the sofa. The older women were in the process of discussing when Jacen would make Han and Leia grandparents.  
  
He gestured her way. “You might as well be talking to a dead commlink with me. Ask Jaina, she's the married one.”  
  
Jaina narrowed her eyes at him as her mother and aunt both looked her way.  
  
“That _is_ a good question,” Leia said.  
  
“We're trying,” Jaina said. “Enthusiastically.”  
  
“There's no rush,” Mara told her. “Luke and I were married ten years before we had Ben.”  
  
Jaina made a noncommittal noise and glanced to the kitchen doorway, as Kyp appeared in it. He'd felt her agitation and he raised a brow in silent question. She shook her head and he retreated.  
  
“How is Zekk doing?” Mara inquired.  
  
Rolling her shoulders, Jaina shrugged. “I can't spend very long with him or the meld starts coming back. I know he's dating someone he met at the wedding, when Tenel Ka came here with her guards. But I try to stay out of it. I don't need a third person in my marriage.”  
  
“I'm sure Kyp appreciates that,” Jacen said dryly.  
  
“I do,” that one called from the kitchen.  
  
“Does he have super hearing?” Mara asked.  
  
Jaina tapped the side of her head. “He and I keep our bond open to counteract what the Killiks did. We have no secrets at all.”  
  
“Does that get tiring?” Jacen asked. He'd reclined on the floor and was staring up at the ceiling.  
  
“It's not like we're sharing a brain,” she said. “It's not the same as the hive mind. We do have to put some effort into communicating, but it's obviously less effort on Kyp’s end.”  
  
Her husband was the order’s strongest telepath, the most talented at mental manipulation. He made it a point not to use it on Jaina, even accidentally. Not since she was eighteen, at any rate, but that incident was far behind them.  
  
Jacen levered up off the floor and went out to the balcony to talk to Luke, who had taken a comm from someone. Jaina flinched as Leia and Mara looked back to her.  
  
“Trying?” her aunt repeated.  
  
She sighed, reaching for Kyp mentally. He sent back warm reassurance and permission. “We've been trying for two years. Officially trying. We did testing, and there's nothing wrong Cilghal can find with either of us. We don't need fertility treatments. But… We tried IVF last month. Not a one of the five took.”  
  
“Oh, honey.” Leia rose from the sofa and moved to the loveseat, wrapping her arms around her daughter. “I'm sorry. I wish you'd told me sooner, we wouldn't have bothered you.”  
  
“We haven't wanted to talk about it,” Jaina said quietly. “We desperately want a baby, but it's just not happening.”  
  
\---------  
  
In the kitchen, Han poured Kyp a shot of whiskey. “You look like you could use a drink. What's up, kid?”  
  
“You're never going to stop calling me that, are you?” Kyp asked wryly.  
  
“Probably not,” Han said with forced cheerfulness. “I'll still use it when _your_ kids are grown, if I live that long.”  
  
An involuntary spasm twisted Kyp's mouth and he tossed back the alcohol. Han slumped back in his chair.  
  
“Having trouble in that area, huh?” his father-in-law asked.  
  
“Yes and no. There's no trouble between us. Jaina's just having difficulty getting pregnant. We don't know why.”  
  
“That's rough.”  
  
“It'll happen,” Kyp said. “We'll figure it out. I just hate seeing her stressing out over it. She feels like a failure, and we know how well Jay takes failure.”  
  
Han nodded. “She's the most stubborn of my kids, but hell, I'm proud of her. I'm glad you two have had some peaceful time together, too. You've deserved it, after the bug thing.”  
  
Kyp shook his head. “I was so afraid she wasn't going to marry me, when she came back.”  
  
“Yeah.” Han frowned. “I'm not happy how close she's been with Zekk.”  
  
“Me, either. I'm not going to dictate to her who she can associate with, but she knows that her meld with Zekk is a problem. She's the one who chose to keep our bond open constantly. It's part of her cognitive therapy, Cilghal’s idea.”  
  
His commlink chirped in his pocket. Pulling it out, he read the display. “Speaking of Cilghal, she wants me and Jaina to meet her in the morning.”  
  
“I hope it's good news,” Han commented. “Leia an’ I look forward to being grandparents.”  
  
Kyp concentrated on sending Cilghal a confirmation. He wasn't about to tell Han that Jacen already had an illegitimate offspring. It wasn't his secret to tell, and wasn't one Jacen knew that he knew, anyway. “Here's hoping,” was all he said. “It's getting late. Jaina and I should be off.”  
  
Through their bond, he felt Jaina's relief at the suggestion. He heard her voice it aloud to her mother in the other room.  
  
Han said, “Keep us updated, huh? I may not be able to help, but I care.”  
  
“Thanks, Han. I will.”  
  
\----------  
  
Unlike the Solos, the Durrons had an apartment within the Jedi temple, just enough living space for the two of them. Neither needed much, both used to essentially living out of the cockpit of an X-Wing.  
  
Jaina studied the array of holos on the wall in their combined kitchen and living area, most of them from the last few years. There was one that drew her attention tonight, though, that was the oldest on display. She'd located it a while back, amazed that it survived. In the candid image, she and Kyp had an arm around each other, both grinning broadly. Her hair just brushed her shoulders, damp with sweat from her helmet. Kyp's unruly curls were the same.  
  
She remembered the day clearly, even twelve years later: they'd had a successful run against the enemy and were jubilant, something that hasn't happened often. Jaina had not been involved with Jag yet, and Kyp's face was full of affection as he looked at her. How she'd possibly thought he didn't love her, and she him, Jaina didn't know. It was plain as day here.  
  
Kyp hugged her from behind now. “We look so young.”  
  
She reached up with a hand to run her fingers over his stubbled cheek. “You had less grey.”  
  
“I've earned every one of these,” he told her. “Though they make me feel a little old.”  
  
She turned, wrapping her arms around his neck. “I don't mind the grey. Or these smile lines. I'm still going to find you handsome when your hair is white. Besides, grey is better than bald.”  
  
Kyp chuckled. “That is true.”  
  
He dropped a kiss on her upturned mouth. “Cilghal sent me a message. She wants to see us in the morning.”  
  
“Okay.” Jaina sighed. “I don't want more bad news. I told Mom and Mara about the IVF. Mom is being fussy. Mara says not to worry about it, it'll happen when it happens. But I got attached to those embryos. Five, Kyp. Technically, we lost five babies.”  
  
“I know, sweetheart.” He pressed his lips to her forehead. “We'll keep trying. It might take a while longer, but we'll get there.”  
  
She sighed. “Let's go to bed. Faster we sleep, the faster it'll be morning.”  
  
“Do we have to go right to sleep?” he asked, wagging his eyebrows suggestively.  
  
Jaina grinned. “Of course not.”  
  
\----------  
  
Cilghal's domain was the medical area deep under the temple, two floors of treatment areas that included a surgical suite, bacta tanks, recovery and exam rooms, and even a few quarantine areas. She met Kyp and Jaina in her office, dressed in soft turquoise robes rather than white medical garb.  
  
Her fellow healer, Jaina's friend Tekli--also a former Joiner--greeted them as they arrived, then excused herself. The Chadra-fan left, waving the door locked behind her. Cilghal motioned for her visitors to have seats on the flowform sofa in the corner of her office. She took a chair herself, one with wheels she could push around the room.  
  
Kyp clasped Jaina's hand as they sat. He stroked her palm with his thumb, sensing her apprehension.  
  
The Jedi healer, one of Kyp's contemporaries at the Jedi Academy, held a large datapad in her flipper-like hands. She consulted it with one eye, the other on the human couple.  
  
Cilghal blinked both of her big, fishy eyes before speaking. “I ran a few more tests on Jaina's blood samples, and I think I have found the cause for your inability to conceive. It didn't occur to me before, because I know most of Jaina's personal medical history. With the exception of your time with the Killiks, until you stopped two years ago to attempt pregnancy, you kept your birth control up to date.”  
  
Jaina nodded. “Hunting pirates and criminals is difficult enough without bringing a baby into it. And I missed my updates while with the Killik, but I was celibate until I got back.”  
  
She squeezed Kyp's hand. Her birth control had lasted until she'd been with the Killiks several months, and she hadn't resumed sex with Kyp until she'd also resumed the birth control shots, which she'd taken every six months. He'd dug into her memory to make sure that she hadn't been coerced into unwanted sexual activity while a Joiner, and he'd found no evidence of it in the admittedly foggy recesses of her mind.  
  
“But you have never been pregnant.”  
  
Jaina shook her head. “No.”  
  
“You're absolutely certain.”  
  
“Well, yeah.”  
  
The Mon Calamarian healer nodded her head. “The problem you have been having is that Kyp's blood has a factor to it that yours does not. Your body is rejecting the embryos because they carry this factor and you have antibodies against it. Essentially, you are allergic to any embryo that carries this factor and your body fights it. We could have prevented it before, suppressing your body's reaction to this factor with each pregnancy, but you have a pronounced sensitivity established and that method won't work.”  
  
The healer hesitated. “You could only have the sensitivity if you have been pregnant with Kyp's child in the past.”  
  
They looked at each other in confusion, then back to Cilghal.  
  
“I started the birth control just before Myrkyr,” Jaina said slowly. “I haven't missed a dose, with the exception of my time as a Joiner, since then. Kyp and I didn't…”  
  
She trailed off, as she realised. Kyp muttered a curse under his breath.  
  
Cilghal said, carefully, “But you had had intercourse before that, hadn't you? Before Myrkyr. After the New Republic’s assault on the Yuuzhan Vong worldship, I treated you briefly for depression, anxiety, and severe dysmenorrhea, which included nausea, headaches, and cramping. You stated you weren't sexually active, so I didn't think anything of it.”  
  
She hadn't technically been “active”. Before Myrkyr, it had been just the once. Jaina shook her head. “No, it was just once. I couldn't have- No.”  
  
“Once is enough.”  
  
Kyp wrapped his arm around her. To Cilghal, he asked, “Is it possible for a woman to get pregnant even if her partner, ah, you know…”  
  
Force, this was an embarrassing line of discussion.  
  
“Ejaculates outside the vagina?” Cilghal asked bluntly.  
  
“... Yeah.” He felt his face flame red.  
  
“Very. If there was any unprotected penetration, it's possible. I'm surprised you were unaware.” Then she added, “You're a forty-four-year-old Jedi Master. Surely you can say it aloud without blushing or resorting to euphemism.” It was clear that Cilghal also thought a forty-four-year-old Jedi Master should have known better. Or a thirty-two-year-old one, for that matter.  
  
Jaina thumped her head against Kyp's shoulder. “Are you telling me,” she asked, voice muffled by Kyp's chest, “that I had unprotected sex _once_ at eighteen, unknowingly got pregnant, triggered this- this sensitivity, had a miscarriage, and now I can't have a baby because of it?!”  
  
“Yes,” Cilghal said. She was solemn. “Except there is a way you can, maybe.”  
  
Kyp rubbed Jaina's shoulder, still rattled by the news that he and Jaina had almost become parents because of their impulsive indiscretion in a hot tub almost thirteen years before. Jaina had been pregnant and they hadn't even known. It brought back the feeling he'd had then, the guilt when he'd realised that she thought he'd seduced her to manipulate her and hated him because of it. For all he knew, she'd miscarried because of her resulting depression and anger.  
  
This was his fault.  
  
Jaina lifted her head. “How?” she demanded of Cilghal. “How can we?”  
  
“We can suppress your immune system for the duration of your pregnancy so that you don't reject the child or the sensitivity won't cause harm to the fetus.”  
  
“I'll do it.”  
  
“It's difficult,” Cilghal cautioned. “I can't shut off one antibody, Jaina, we have to shut off _all_ of it. You will be completely defenceless against any and all disease, even a simple cold. You'd have to spend the duration of your pregnancy, likely even the weeks *before*, in isolation, here in the Temple.”  
  
Kyp felt Jaina shudder, and tightened his arm around her. “We should think about it before doing anything rash,” he told his wife.  
  
“I strongly recommend that,” Cilghal advised. “Sleep on it, discuss it. Perhaps talk it over with Master Skywalker.”  
  
Jaina nodded, finally. “You're right. We'll think about it.”  
  
\---------  
  
Back in their quarters, several floors above, Jaina went to stand at the window. They had a view to the west, and she liked to watch the sun set, turning all the windows of the surrounding buildings gold.  
  
Kyp came up and wrapped his arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss to her hair. “I'm sorry,” he said.  
  
“For what?” Jaina twisted in his arms, looking up at him with confusion.  
  
“Maybe you should have married Zekk or Jag. This wouldn't be a problem with them. It's *my* fault.”  
  
“Don't you _dare_ start with that!” she exclaimed, pushing out of his arms. “This isn't any more your fault than _my_ eye colour or _your_ allergy to charbote root. It's genetics. We didn't _know_. We couldn't plan for this. It wouldn't have even crossed my mind as the remotest possibility that day, Kyp. I mean, you were definitely _not_ inside me when you came, and my periods were completely erratic from stress anyway. It literally did not occur to me that I could be pregnant.”  
  
She ran a hand over her hair and sighed. “Even if it _had_... I wouldn't have had any idea this sensitivity existed, let alone known how to prevent it. And what was I going to think? ‘Oh, I'd better do this one thing in case Kyp and I want babies thirteen years from now!’ I didn't want to even look at you, let alone spend the rest of my life with you. No offense. You know what I mean.”  
  
He hooked his arm around her neck, dragged her close. “None taken. You were beyond angry with me. Doesn't stop me from feeling like I'm to blame, though.”  
  
Jaina slid her arms around him. “This thing with Corellia, too. I think there's going to be a war. I can't possibly take the time to lock myself up for ten months, being incredibly selfish, just to have a baby. I'm the Sword of the Jedi.”  
  
“We could use a surrogate…”  
  
She shook her head, face buried against his chest. “No,” she mumbled. “Only if everything else fails. I _need_ to… I need to have the baby myself. I can't explain it more than that.”  
  
“Okay.”  
  
“I don't blame you, Kyp. Things happen sometimes. Yeah, I'm upset, but you and I get through things better together.”  
  
He combed his fingers through her hair. “And we will. We may need to put our baby plans on hold a while, but we'll have one somehow.”  
  
She looked up at him, eyes full of love even though tears brimmed in them. “I want a baby with you more than anything. But maybe this is happening because it isn't a good time.”  
  
“I can't imagine your cousin’s birth being _good_ timing,” he said dryly. “But at least, for right now, it's probably for the best, as much as we hate it.”  
  
Kyp drew her towards their bedroom. “Come on. Chances are, Luke is going to send you to Corellia, and I want some time with you to myself first.”  
  
“I love you,” she said. “And even if it screwed up my ability to have a baby, I wouldn't trade that first time for anything. You know that, right?”  
  
“I know. And I love you. We'll work things out.”  
  
She had to trust that he was right. The alternative was too depressing. “Make love to me, Kyp.”  
  
“Your wish is my command, Goddess.”


End file.
